pen in hand

I cry

probe
espy
extract
something is there
what is it
what am i concealing
what have i entombed
emtiness
why am i empty
what has raped my insides
why am i crying
i do not know
i hurt inside
why i do not know
i do not know why
it is here then it is gone
then it comes and goes again
what is it
i do not know
i do not know
it comes when it is not wanted
and it does not come when it is called
i do not know why
i do not know why
i cry i cry
i do not know why i cry
so many tears
oh my heart the pain i am dying
let go
i try to let go
free my self release myself
with my pen
write
i will be free
no
i can not write
my passion i can not write
i am empty
i am alone
i become another when i write
oh i do not know
it is not me
pen in hand
it is not me
when i write
write
your heart is in your pen
than i shall write with my heart
paper as tool
i shall divulge my self for all to see
but they shall never know
for it is only a word on a piece of paper
they shall never truly know
who i am and why i cry
10/04/1993