circular motion

Deminishing Light

At my darkest night thoughts race rampantly through me. I am in motion, though still.
Animosity flows, it travels the length of my soul. It is my existences, it is the
impossibility of change. I speak of true change from what i have become.
a monster of uncontrolled existence, of impulsiveness. To me, I can not see a
end it is impossible since the sight of my eyes do not encompass my actions.
Rational, is a concept which i have clung to in my state, in my existences. I
believe in my mind and in my heart the purity of good intensions. But my intentions
are lead astray by my wayward existence. I am lost and each passing moment has
continued to lead me farther and farther from what is right. Righteousness does not
exist in my world. It is only through the eyes of others that help to lead me to the
path of salvation. Sadly, often it is my darkest hour which reflects through the eyes
of love ones. The revelation of my confusion is often useless since the late hour has
brought me to the point of no return. I have destroyed my foundation and I teeter on
the brink of deviation, bringing with me the love of my soul. He does not deserve
this fallen life. His loyalty is undeserving. Though without it my walls would crumble,
my worlds would cease to exist and i would lay down and die. He is the glue which
holds me together. He is the one who has created the tiniest ray of light and warmth
in my life. I am saddened by my continuous acts of destruction which rips at him like a
dull blade which mutilates his flesh. Oblivious, I continue to destroy his world
over and over. He is without soul and it is I who has pulverized it. Remorse beats
through my heart and flows in my veins but a change never remains. Only momentary
knowledge of my destruction ever exists. Swiftly, i am once again encapsulated in the
confusion of my world. Blind to the darkness of my ways. Once again clouded by my
wayward good intensions. Chaos runs rampantly once again. And the blade rips
deepening his wound which has no end.
8/23/07